Infinite Loop

How long can I keep moving in the same pattern?

What sort of sad soul dreams to escape but can't stay asleep?

It ravages me while I wait.

I'm sick of crying these stale tears.

My bed provides no comfort.

And I keep reaching out to someone who's not there. I feel so fervently I know someone out there can feel it. But (s)he can't get to me. And I don't feel his/her sympathy. Empathy.

I keep opening old wounds at night. I'd even ask for new ones.
I keep salting my wounds like a salve.

How is it that the things I already know still manage to scar my eyes?

I thought I'd gotten rid of the boulder. The imprint it left was still there.
And it came back to me.
I don't want it.
Can't handle the weight.

This isn't a poem.
These are words with no meaning to anyone but me.

Don't bother to ask me what ails me.
It won't help a thing.
And you'd never understand.
You'd see the words and they'd never reach you.

I'm just a broken girl.
Who fragments in the security of no one's eyes.
In the sterility of darkness and nothingness.
Because that is all I can really have anyway.

The Stills say Logic Will Break Your Heart.
It isn't true.
Illogic will.
If you operated on logic, there would be no heartbreak.
My heart is only good for pumping blood and oxygen.
I wish that is all it would do.

I never really have good dreams but still I sometimes I wish I'd never wake up.

My bed calls but sleep doesn't answer.