Cry Me a River Deep Enough to Drown in

• My neck hurts.
• I'm unnaturally tired. Yes. Right now. At 12:38 AM. The one who sometimes goes to bed with the sun.
• I'm angry for no good reason.
• This could be the hormones or it could be the fact that I procrastinate on every goddamn thing that really matters in my life and then I complain about it when I really start to get fucked.
• Maybe it's a combination of the two.
• I leave for school on Tuesday.
• I'm STILL missing essential supplies.
• I haven't packed.
• I need my hair redone.
• I need my computer fixed.
• I need some clothes (good luck with that, says mother).
• I'm broke as shit, you know, the result of being woefully unemployed my whole life.
• I need to get some medical form signed and sent to K or else I won't be able to get in my dorm or anything (how did I let this happen? I am STUPID!!!).
• I haven't exercised in like three days.
• I had 48 hour cramps. Didn't want to know that? Ooops. They WOULD NOT stop, despite the fact that I took enough acetaminophen for two days.
  
• My liver has probably been reduced to swiss cheese.
  
• Today I had Motrin. It works...well, now it wants to challenge that assertion, but I went a good amount of the day with only 600mg.
• My muscles are all wonky. The thought of exercising seems impossible.
• I feel like I gained 103248494493 pounds because I haven't exercised.
• I feel guilty, but see the part about wonky muscles.
• I'd better be up to par tomorrow.
• I hate life, mostly because I hate myself. Mostly because I fuck up everything and thus end up with a hateful life. It's a vicious cycle.
• Where's the goddamn Midol?
• Remember when I said I needed clothes? Yeah. I am in dire need of them. Most of my shirts are too big. And they'd better stay that way, or else you'll be throwing rose petals on my grave.
• I am worried about the things I need to do.
• I am cursing myself for choosing a private college. Tuition? 38k. I can has Wain Stait plz?
• I have to do a work study which necessitates that I work 10 hours for 10 weeks WITHOUT fail. Pocket money? Forget it. Unless, of course I work more than 10 hours.
• I am not absolutely sure if I have a job, since I had to scout it out myself because the department of whatthefuckever could not find one for me. It seems I do, but I don't know anything about hours yet.
• I may have to work two jobs.
  
• May I reiterate that I've never HAD a real job?
• Obviously, I'm worried that I will be too stupid to do my job correctly.
  
• I haven't even started my life and I already hate it.
• I'm pulling things out my ass right now, because I seem to have forgotten why I am complaining although I'm still quite annoyed at everything right now.
• My mother is the most unsupportive mother who actually gives a shit. Paradox. I don't know what the malfunction and dysfunction are, but they're there.
• We don't talk much about...much, so going off will not be a problem in that respect.
• I like it when I have the house to myself.
• I'll be glad to leave her eternal nagging.
• I'll not be glad to fend for myself but STILL rely on 'mommy' (never call her that) to send care packages.
• I'm terribly and hopelessly irresponsible and immature.
• Life is gonna rape me diagonally up the ass, I know it.
• I can forget about affording a few things I want, like a new camera (a bridge cam, Panasonic FZ18K) or a sound card or whatever it is that I want. I forget because everything's so bleak.
• I have NO sense of direction.
• I can't drive.
• I don't have a car.
• I'll get lost, without fail.
• I hope my schedule does not interfere with going to the gym. I won't have any excuses this time living like 5 minutes away from a fitness facility.
• I will kill myself if I gain the freshman anything.
• I suck at life.
  
• The thought of using a community bath makes my stomach spiral upward.
• I am happy I have a single.
• I have given up on love. I'll let it find me.
• I am worried I'll end up a wage slave and won't ever be good at anything.
• I don't think I've grown much as a person after four years of high school.
• It would be easy for me to become addicted to some substance.
• I hope I don't procrastinate in college like I did in high school. I have successfully reduced my lifespan by like a third.
• I'd rather be completely immersed in my work and whatnot to the point of not having a life (there's something I'm used to) than to have to struggle to do everything.
• I don't think K has any intramural sports. Although I am completely bereft in athleticism, I've wanted to try them. Rugby was hella fun in gym.
  
• I plan on getting sloshed for my birthday somehow.
• My birthday is on a Wednesday. WTF, lame.
• It probably won't matter when it is. I'll be in fucking Kalamazoo and I probably won't have any friends.
• I hate Michigan.
• I'm going to get hella depressed in the winter.
• I have to take an on-site placement test for Spanish because I tested out into the "202 level or higher". I don't know where exactly I tested, but mostly likely 202. I'm doomed. I lost all my Spanish taking German this year, and honestly, three years of Señorita Harper was a joke. I should fail. If I don't, I'll be in over my head.
• Our orientation schedule is the most unliberal thing for a liberal arts college. They've planned the week out like martinets. I barely have time to meet up with my future (hopefully) employer for training.
• I forgot to mention what the job might be. I might be a [computer] lab monitor. It would be bomb, because I love computers and I'm fairly knowledgeable in them.
• I have to meet him at eight in the morning (!!!). I've been waking up at like noon every day because I've been going to bed between four and six.
  
• Since we're actually leaving for the 2+ hour drive to Kalamazoo on the day of orientation/move-in, we'll probably have to get up at like four. BALLS.
• My TV is a behemoth. I don't like the thought of lugging it up two flights of stairs (good thing I'm not on the third floor). Just my luck, I'll probably drop it on my fucking foot.
• Will they have elevators to help us move? I surely hope so!
• Regarding that last bullet, that is not lazy! That is practical.
• I'm not excited to leave like everyone else was. I want to leave Detroit and this damned house, but I'm not ZOMG college!!!!11!!!11!!1!!!!123!!!1!!!1oneone!!1!!!1dostres!!11!1!!!!1!!!
• I don't seem to really get excited about anything anymore. Everything is a letdown.
• I hope a lot of these things end up being untrue some months from now.
• I hope I get the classes I wanted.
  
• I need to find a bank when I get there. They'd better let me have full access of everything although I won't be 18.
• It's annoying still being 17, although I only have a month and less than two weeks left.
• Starting over means I should hold anything back, right? I won't have to be hindered by the inevitable shock people who know me right now would have for me to fully unveil.
• Somehow I think I'll manage to fuck that up and still be debilitatingly shy.
• My nearly nonexistent self-esteem might still be a problem. I'm working on it.
• I would swear on the life of a small island country that being thin would solve most of my problems.
• I just realized it was September 11.
  
• Did you read all this shit? I think not.