Collecting E-Dust

I'm not a very patient person. Impatience paired with compulsiveness is not a good combination in the least. I keep checking my blog for comments and such and my profile for hits to no avail. I have realized that the views on my profile have mostly come from me. I was a bit vexed to discover this, lol. Other sites are programmed (and rightly so!) that the user cannot upset his/her own hit meter. This blog is collecting dust.

...Which is all the more reason for me to keep using it, rather than to let it fade into oblivion. I'm having a bit of a dry spell right now in everything. My poetry has been neglected, I haven't taken photos in over a month, (admittedly this has been because I have been a hermit during this time) and I have long since abandoned my sketchbook. This all bothers me. I used to be immersed in art, but something seems to have broken in me.

The urges I get to do something in these media mostly stem from guilt these days. I like to rationalize and sugarcoat my artistic inadequacy by saying that photography has replaced drawing and poetry for me, as I quickly became relatively prolific in it. Prolific, not proficient, though. I am confident that this will change. I have already sensed progression in that aspect. However, I have witnessed a degradation in my poetry. I've written three things in the past two months and they're woefully subpar compared to the things that I've cranked out in the past. They say, "if you don't use it, you lose it". I don't doubt this (it has been evidenced in my Spanish as well, but that is ANOTHER story) one bit...

One would think (or more likely, hope) that some things never diminish over time, but it seems that for me, at least, poetry is not one of them. Perhaps I need to revise my methods. I used to write when I was inspired, but noting my complete lack of inspiration (which I have suffered from over a duration of about two years now), it is obvious that that method will not work for me. I need to buckle down and exercise my 'skills' in articulation.

Once again, I find myself veering off, but I guess I never had a topic in the first place. I guess I went on that spiel to say that I hope that maintaining this blog will stimulate my brain and sharpen my general writing skills in such a way that I can apply to my poetry. Once more, this sounds like duplicitous hope, but it seems logical enough, no?

I don't know why I am writing so guidelessly. I actually wrote a list of topics that I wanted to discuss on here, but somehow everyday I ask myself, "What should I blog about?". I suppose one could call it laziness (surprise, surprise), but perhaps I should establish myself more before I go off into topics of the sort. They were all rather heavy. Actually, I just looked at my list again and I see a topic I could write about right now if I wanted to--pet peeves. Perhaps it will be my next topic. Sounds interesting enough, no? But that's operating on the assumption that someone actually gives a shit about what gets under my skin.

I'd also like to apologize for my last blog post, although I will not delete it. It was a bit out of place in the midst of previous posts. I only apologize for breaking the flow and perhaps raising a red flag amongst you readers. However, the sentiments were genuine and writing the blog post was an outlet, and that is exactly what it is for, is it not? In the future, be prepared for dark interjections of my life. Everything isn't all gravy and roses (what a tragic combination, I must say. lol) and whatever other random nouns that people use to denote utopian states of being.

I think another problem is having too much to say. It's far easier to think things in my head than it is to say them to the world wide web. For one, I understand myself and don't have to think of ways to articulate what I'm thinking, because it is I who is thinking, goddamn it. Secondly, in the time it takes for me to type said articulation (and I'm a fairly speedy typist), I've lost my train of thought and have deviated into upcoming lines or general fears of writing something unappealing.

Another trouble is redundancy. The things I am saying won't be new to a few people, yet I've got to account for the people who don't know me very well who are reading this. It's all very complicated for something that masquerades as being so simple. I keep to myself most of the time, so I've got a lot of time to think. There are a lot of instances where I say, "oh, I should write this on my blog", but it just doesn't happen. I've always mused on the idea of an invention that would read your thoughts and put them into words (the quintessence, pinnacle, epitome, and apotheosis of laziness!), but that would be disastrous. My train of thought is constantly making unscheduled trips and becoming derailed altogether. But I think it would be easier to edit stray thoughts than relay processed thoughts sometimes.

Final thoughts: I'm really fucking verbose. And boring. I also abuse parentheses, which detracts from the fluidity of my thoughts. This blog is like talking to myself, but going through MUCH more trouble to be crazy. It's doomed...

That's all for now (thank goodness, you say!).